Why the JYJ Concert Was Not Successful
Introduction of Academic Writing (2)
Friday 1 -2
Prof. Jon Bahk-Halberg
200702742 HyeRi Lee
Last Saturday, the Korean male singer group JYJ held a concert at Jamsil main stadium. Scores of thousands of fans were there, including some fans from abroad. However, many articles says that it was not successful. I worked for the concert as a Japanese interpretation staff, and I know what were the reason. There are two main causes that brought the unsuccessful concert.
The first reason was the hard weather. They planned a big laser show, so they covered the opened ceiling of the main stadium with the white material and it costed about a billion won. The weather was clear until Friday, so members of JYJ could rehearse the concert for about 17 hours. However, at the Friday night, hail was hammered down onto the roof of the stadium. On the Saturday morning, the roof was collapsed so staffs had to clear the giant materials away. Also, so many chairs are broken because of the weight of the collapsed roof. Therefore, we had to change all of the broken chairs, and it made the concert delay.
The second reason was the surroundings of the stadium. Around the stadium is residential districts, so it is banned to perform the concert after the 10 o'clock at night. JYJ could not do the laser show because of the collapsed roof, so they changed their programs and rehearsed the concert again. At that time, the concert was already delayed a lot. Finally, they decided not to do the encore concert, and they sang all of their prepared songs with a rush, including encore songs. The concert was ended at the right time narrowly. Of course fans didn't know what is the encore song because they sang all the songs at once, so they got anger because they thought the JYJ didn't performed encore concert.
Because the bad weather and the surroundings of the stadium are combined together, it made the situation worse. Many fans and guests had to wait a long time shivering with heavy cold, so the concert was not that successful. A lot of journalists just know about the result, so they criticize members of the JYJ made the delay and they didn't performed encore concert on purpose. However, I know that it was not their fault, and they did their best to made best programs in short urgent time. Maybe JYJ have to refer to these situations and explain the causes, so that some journalists have to understand the situation.
1. what i like
ReplyDelete2. main point
3. particular words or lines
4.some things that arent' clear to me
5. if you change
1.What I like the most in your essay is the introduction.
I envy your interpretation experience a lot.
Also, I think it is very good experience, because you can interpretate as well as enjoy the concert.
2. Your main point seems two main causes to held a successful concert.
3.I like many expressions in your essay.
- 'hail was hammered down onto the roof of the stadium'
I think it describe the situation very vividly and I can imagine the situation easily.
4.Some things are unclear to me.
- In your first body paragraghy, there is a word 'the giant materials'.
I am not sure that the giant materials are a bunch of hail or something like broken chair.
- I think bad weather and the surroundings of the stadium cause unsuccessful performance.
However in your conclusion, you say many fans and guests who had to wait a long time shivering with heavy cold makes the results.
When I read this part, it was unclear for me what is the real factor of the unsuccessful performance.
5.It might be better if you change some things on your essay
- In your introduction paragragh, you mention that you worked for the concert as a Japanese interpretation staff.
If you put some conjunction in front of the sentence like 'because', it will be more natural to understand the cause and effect relationship.
- In your conclusion, it might make your essay better, if you put conjunction.
2nd Draft
ReplyDeleteHow to hold a successful concert
Last Saturday, the Korean male singer group JYJ held a concert at Jamsil main stadium. Scores of thousands of fans were there, including some fans from abroad. However, many articles says that it was not successful. It is because the concert is not prepared well. From the JYJ's case, I want to talk about two elements needed for the successful concert.
First of all, an accurate prediction about the day of the concert is needed for the successful concert. In case of the JYJ, they planned a big laser show, so they covered the opened ceiling of the main stadium with the huge white cloth and it costed about a billion won. The weather was clear until Friday, so all of the processes were going well. However, at the Friday night, hail was hammered down onto the roof of the stadium. On the Saturday morning, the roof was collapsed so staffs had to clear the giant cloth away. Also, so many chairs are broken because of the weight of the collapsed roof. Therefore, we had to change all of the broken chairs, and it made the concert delay. They should have check about the weather of the concert day.
Another important element of the successful concert is the condition of the surroundings. Around the stadium is residential districts, so it is banned to perform the concert after the 10 o'clock at night. JYJ could not do the laser show because of the collapsed roof, so they changed their programs and rehearsed the concert again. At that time, the concert was already delayed a lot. Finally, they decided not to do the encore concert, and they sang all of their prepared songs with a rush, including encore songs. The concert was ended at the right time narrowly. Of course fans didn't know what is the encore song because they sang all the songs at once, so they got anger because they thought the JYJ didn't performed encore concert.
Because of some reasons that they couldn't predict and surroundings, the concert was not that successful and crucified by the people, especially by the journalists. Many fans and guests had to wait a long time at the outside shivering with heavy cold. Maybe it could be prevented if the condition was a little bit better. Also, maybe the members of the JYJ and the concert staffs could learn a lesson from this case. I hope that they make the best concert for the next time.