| Successful life
Some people say they might feel succeed if they become millionaires. Others define successful life as becoming well-known person. For me, it is little bit different from those concepts. If I asked that what successful life is, I would say that being mentally satisfied and pleasant is one key and sharing the happiness with others is the other. There are two ways to live such life; do what is your favorite and share what you already have with others. In order to live a successful life, people should find the job that makes them excited. As doing the job makes them happy, they might work harder than before. Because of the hard work, money, honor and ability follow before they know. According to a research, only a one person became a millionaire among 845 people who thought money is more important than what they want. However, 100 people became a millionaire among 255 people who prefer their desire to money. This shows that choosing a job that they really want can live not only a successful life but also other things. The other factor to love a successful life is to share what they already have with others, because one person can have a positive effect on one or more. Let's assume that there is a famous singer who likes to share his talent with others and the feeling after he did. He might sing a song for the old and the poor or hold a concert to raise money for charity. This good deed can be a motive for others to do the similar activity and many people can imitate his behavior. In conclusion, two factors to live a successful life are finding an exciting job and sharing one's talent. Therefore, people have to think carefully when they think of their future. In addition, people won't easily give up their job which is exciting and can help others when they face some obstacles.
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Wednesday, December 1, 2010
201001098 Jiwon No
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Your first hook starts very interesting that you refuse ordinally success. Love your job and share is very interesting points. First, I was skeptism about the success you think but after I read your article, I believe that your success is more right than mine. You didn't mispelled but I just wonder how how put some more importance on conclusion? That could be better
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that it says about its definition of success in life at the beginning of the writing, and then goes on with the topic.
ReplyDelete2. Your main point seems to be how to live mentally satisfying and pleasant life, sharing the happiness with others.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
*According to a research, only a one person became a millionaire among 845 people who thought money is more important than what they want. However, 100 people became a millionaire among 255 people who prefer their desire to money.
-> This mention of a research on the topic made me feel more persuasive about your writing.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved:
*If I asked that what successful life is, I would say that being mentally satisfied and pleasant is one key and sharing the,
-> I think ‘were’ or some other word should be added between I and asked.
*Because of the hard work, money, honor and ability follow before they know.
-> I think this sentence needs more information. It’s a little bit confusing. I guess this is because it has too much to say.
*This shows that choosing a job that they really want can live not only a successful life but also other things
-> The sentence comes after that has ‘choosing a job’ as a subject, and ‘can live’ as a verb. In this sentence, I think the subject and the verb do not correspond with each other.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is adding supporting ideas to the second paragraph. As for the first one, you mentioned about a research and it made the reason more powerful. However, in the second paragraph, I think, it would become much better if you add more supporting ideas with some practical examples.
From HyeRi :)
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this piece of writing is that you wrote about the basic mind of life that people forget well. That's is true that the important thing is not a fame or money, but happiness.
Your main point seems to be that two factors to live a successful life are finding an exciting job and sharing one's talent.
The sentence "According to a research, only a one person became a millionaire among 845 people who thought money is more important than what they want. However, 100 people became a millionaire among 255 people who prefer their desire to money" struck me because I really didn't know about this fact. It is quite surprising features.
It was clear and easy to follow your sentences generally, but it was little bit hard to understand the sentence "Because of the hard work, money, honor and ability follow before they know."
So, I think the one thing that could make the biggest improvement is fixing that sentence above.
Thanks ^,^
201001098 Jiwon No
ReplyDeleteSuccessful life for me
Some people say they might feel successful if they become millionaires. Others define successful life as becoming well-known person. For me, it is little bit different from those concepts. If I were asked that what successful life is, I would say that being mentally satisfied and pleasant is one key and sharing the happiness with others is the other to live a successful life. There are two ways to live such life; do what is your favorite and share what you already have with others.
In order to live a successful life, people should find the job that makes them excited. As doing the job makes them happy, they might work harder than before. Because of the hard work, money, honor and ability will follow incidentally before they know. Hard work always reward as much as people do. According to a research, only a one person became a millionaire among 845 people who thought money is more important than what they want. However, 100 people became a millionaire among 255 people who prefer their desire to money. This shows that choosing a job that they really want can not only live a satisfied life but also get other things like money and honor which are directly related to a successful life.
The other factor to love a successful life is to share what they already have with others, because one person can have a positive effect on one or more. Let’s assume that there is a famous singer who likes to share his talent with others and the feeling after he did. He might sing a song for the old and the poor or hold a concert to raise money for charity. This good deed can be a motive for others to do the similar activity and many people can imitate his behavior.
In conclusion, two factors to live a successful life are finding an exciting job and sharing one’s talent. Therefore, people have to think carefully when they think of their future. In addition, people shouldn’t easily give up their job which is exciting and can help others when they face some obstacles, because these endeavors will bring them success in the future.