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Soccer is like our life. While live our life, we have our own goals. Some people want to make a lot of money or be happy. Some people want to be a teacher or a doctor. And we always do something in order to achieve our goals. Some people study hard and other people practice hard. Everybody has their own goals and their own efforts to achieve goals. Like our life, soccer has its own goal which is scoring goals. The efforts to score goals are very different individually. Strikers have to move busily to get the chance, midfielders have to deliver passes safely and defenders have to cut off the ball and mark strikers. In order to achieve goals, every player has to play their own role and do their best. And after all processes, finally we can score goals. Likewise after we make an effort, we can achive our goals for our life. Soccer is a microcosm of our life. |
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
200601825 Hyesu Ahn
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To HyeSu Ahn - From HyeRi Lee
ReplyDeleteAssignment 2010-09-17
Hello, I'm HyeRi Lee and I'm going to tell you what I felt about your paragraph.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you explained well about scoring processes of soccer, because I don't know much about it. It was helpful.
2. Your main point seemed to be "Soccer is like our life".
3. I think the sentence "Soccer is a microcosm of our life" was powerful because you clearly mentioned your topic again.
4. It was hard to understand "its own goal which is scoring goals." Maybe you cam improve that sentence in another way. ^,^
Thanks a lot, see you on the class! ^,^
To Heysu Ahn From Jiyun Jang
ReplyDeleteAssignment 2010-09-17
1. What I like about this piece of writing is the comparison you use. It was interesting to read.
2. Your main point seems to be "Soccer is like our life"
3. I think the sentence "Like our life" is powerful because it helps me to understand your writing easier.
4. I think it will be better if you divide your writing into parts.