Recently Iphone is spread very fast to the all over the world. Almost everyone want to get iphone however they do not know which is better or not. As technology developed lots of machine easy to play. And also convenient to do something. For example talking about Iphone, which is give us kinds of convenient. We can research internet anywhere and watching movie, found address, play games, test kind of things and also use Iphone can control any machine in your house. But the other ways Iphone very difficult to old people or teenager. The touch phone very sensitive by finger that's why old man afraid with what they touch wrong. To teenager is different with old man, they are very brave and interested with every things. Fist they challenge about something and get interesting with that they can not stop playing. Iphone is no exception, which has kinds of games and marvelous things effect on their study or life that's true. But by the technology developed can not control.
by 200901051
ReplyDeleteI think I understand what you want to write about, but it feels like you're talking about two topics at once. First about the Iphone and then about how convienent or inconvienent technology can be. Which was a bit confusing when I read it for the first time. Maybe if you have a more specific or clear topic, it might be more easier for the reader to understand what the topic of the text is about.
Your topic choice is great. Iphone's are such a trend these days.
ReplyDeleteThere is one thing i'd like to point out. Your paragraph consist of more than one idea. If I'm not mistaking the beginning of the paragraph is about the popularity of the iphones and how many people would like to own one. The following supporting sentences are about the convience of using iphones. But toward the end of the paragraph you said that seniors have more difficulty using the iphones than teenagers.
I think if you keep to one topic at a time it would be easier for the reader to understand the message you want to get across.
Linda Ann Cho
200702823
ReplyDeleteWhat I liked about this piece of writing was that it talks about the trendy iPhone and its pros and cons. The main point of the paper seems to be that even though iPhone is a great piece of machine, it fails to convey the human touch and therefore is not enough to fill up people's needs. The word convenient struck me because it struck me as the sole benefit of iPhone.
All in all, your writing was great, however, you failed to have spell checks(which is one of the basic thing you need to do)