| 201001098 Jiwon No
Family
Although there are so many great things in the world that affect my days, I firmly believe that nothing is greater and more important than family. There are two reasons that family is the greatest thing. One reason is that we feel comfortable and released without any concrete reasons when we have a time with our family. For me, whenever I come back home where all of my family members live, I feel happy when I spend time chatting, eating out, watching television and hanging out with them. I don't know exactly why I feel like this. Maybe it comes from faith for my family. Maybe it comes from the sense of protection. But, I think most people share the same feelings with their own family. The other reason is that we can learn how to love not only our family but also others. As children grew up, they have seen the blind love that provided by their parents, especially mother. People have a tendency to take after those who are closed to them, so they do the same thing that their parents did. In this way, family teaches and conveys love to people. Before I left my hometown and started to live alone in Seoul, I did not know my family is important and precious. Sometimes I wanted to get out of home and hang out with others, though I hardly meet all the family members at the same time. However, when I started to live without any family member, I recognized that family gave me a great amount of things such as the feel of comfortable and the lesson about how to love. Therefore, I think none of things are comparable to the value of family.
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Wednesday, September 15, 2010
201001098 No Jiwon, Week 1
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Jeon Yejin/ 201003023
ReplyDeleteYour main topic is that what you think the greatest thing in your life is your family. I deeply agree with you and was impressed by your description about family. However, I think your writing could be much better if you change some little things in it.
For me, whenever I come back home where all of my family members live, I feel happy when I spend time chatting, eating out, watching television and hanging out with them.
->There are two words include ‘when’ in itself. I think it’s little confusing. If you change the word ‘whenever’, it would be more natural.
Maybe it comes from the sense of protection.
->I think this content needs more explanation. What kind of protection it is? Is it to your parents or from them?
But, I think most people share the same feelings with their own family.
->It would be better if you put ‘me’ after ‘with’. You can change this sentence like ‘I think most people share the same feelings with me to their own family.’
The other reason is that we can learn how to love not only our family but also others.
->Though there are the supporting sentences after this topic sentence, I think it needs more explanation. Especially things about whom or what you can learn how to love others from.
As children grew up, they have seen the blind love that provided by their parents, especially mother.
->I think there is a problem with the tense. Maybe you can change this like this: As children grow up, they see the blind love…’ I’m not sure about this but I think it might wrong because it’s about general case.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is your topic is what people usually feel the same way about.
ReplyDelete2. Your main point seems to be two reasons why your family are so great to you.
3. 'I think none of things are comparable to the value of family' line struck me as powerful, because I absolutely agree to you. There's nothing I can really count on except family.
4. I think that it can be better if your conclusion paragraph is briefer. Details you wrote is very good, but your conclusion can "seem" to miss the point.
201001098 Jiwon No
ReplyDeleteWeek 5 assignments: The great thing
Family(second draft)
Although there are so many great things in the world that affect my days, I firmly believe that nothing is greater and more important than family. There are two reasons that family is the greatest thing in my life.
One reason is that we feel comfortable and released without any concrete reasons when we have a time with our family. For me, every time I come back home where all of my family members live, I feel happy when I spend time chatting, eating out, watching television and hanging out with them. I don’t know exactly why I feel like this. Maybe it comes from faith for my family. Maybe it comes from the sense of protection by my parents who love me more than I can imagine. But, I think most people share the same feelings with me to their own family.
The other reason is that we can learn how to love not only our family but also others. As children grow up, they see the blind love that provided by their parents, especially mother. People have a tendency to take after those who are closed to them, so they do the same thing that their parents did. In this way, family teaches love to their children and conveys love to people. Following this way, people can be loved and can show their loves to others including their own family.
Before I left my hometown and started to live alone in Seoul, I did not know my family is important and precious. However, when I started to live without any family member, I recognized that family gave me a great amount of things such as the feel of comfortable and the lesson about how to love. Therefore, I think none of things are comparable to the value of family.
201001098 Jiwon No
ReplyDeleteWeek 5 assignments: The great thing
Family(second draft)
Although there are so many great things in the world that affect my days, I firmly believe that nothing is greater and more important than family. There are two reasons that family is the greatest thing in my life.
One reason is that we feel comfortable and released without any concrete reasons when we have a time with our family. For me, every time I come back home where all of my family members live, I feel happy when I spend time chatting, eating out, watching television and hanging out with them. I don’t know exactly why I feel like this. Maybe it comes from faith for my family. Maybe it comes from the sense of protection by my parents who love me more than I can imagine. But, I think most people share the same feelings with me to their own family.
The other reason is that we can learn how to love not only our family but also others. As children grow up, they see the blind love that provided by their parents, especially mother. People have a tendency to take after those who are closed to them, so they do the same thing that their parents did. In this way, family teaches love to their children and conveys love to people. Following this way, people can be loved and can show their loves to others including their own family.
Before I left my hometown and started to live alone in Seoul, I did not know my family is important and precious. However, when I started to live without any family member, I recognized that family gave me a great amount of things such as the feel of comfortable and the lesson about how to love. Therefore, I think none of things are comparable to the value of family.
* I forget to have indents in my essay, so I upload it twice.