honghua cui
201003642
Friday 1~2
Physical teacher
Physical is one of the difficult subject and one of the impress subject to me. There are some reason makes me happy and never forget with that. I still remember that what happened in during middle school and the one things I can went school study hard.
I forgot what his name, but I can remember about his image. he has bald head, short and tiny body but he have power make our nervous with happy. First his class different the other class because of he explain everything more detail just everybody especially the last one that's why everybody listen and study hard this subject. Second is he always communicate using humorous with everyone which is everyone waiting for him. one day I did not complete homework and let him discovered, but he did not abuse me instead kidding, actually his joking always senseless but we like that.
Because of him I finished high school study, Because of him I can study university and against hard situation. he makes me stronger and makes me excellent. I can not forget him.
To HongHua From HyeRi
ReplyDeleteHello^,^
What I like about your essay was that you described his personality well. I could know you liked him because of the point you described. Also, your main point seems to be that your physics teacher was great and you liked him. The sentence "I cannot forget him" was impressive because you wrote that at the end of your writings, I think this was really good. However, there were some sentence that I cannot understand like "but he have power make our nervous with happy." I think you can improve some grammatical things, and by doing that you would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing.
Thank you!
What I like about this piece of writing is it has simple sentences and words easy to understand.
ReplyDeleteYour main point seems to be your physical teacher who taught you in middle school.
These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
* actually his joking always senseless but we like that.
-> this phrase allowed me to know some great parts of his character.
* he has bald head, short and tiny body but he have power make our nervous with happy.
-> I like this because the description is simple but well express the teacher.
Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
* There are some reason makes me happy and never forget with that.
-> It is not easily realized what 'that' means in this sentence.
* I still remember that what happened in during middle school and the one things I can went school study hard.
-> I think you don't have to use both 'in' and 'during' in front of 'middle school'. Also, it seems that the next phrase is not unserstood clearly.
The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is using of some words in a wrong way.