Introduction to Academic Writing (2)/ Fri 1-2
Jeon Yejin/ 201003023
Imagine you are at first visit in Korea. You have taken the subway to go to the place you're planning to stay while in Korea. In subway, you see a person sitting at the seat in front of you suddenly stands up. Because you are so tired and with lots of stuffs in hands, you feel to take the seat. At the very point, however, the person says to an old woman who stands a little bit far from the seat: Please take this seat. What do you think you are going to feel like? Isn't it weird that the former appoints the next person who's going to sit in there? Well, this is the moment when one of the most unique traditions of Korea appears. In Korea, there are a lot of duties for people in their attitude toward other ages.
The duties in treating other ages can be divided into two parts by its subject- the elder's and the younger's. As for the elder, the old people should be the one with responsibility and wisdom. For example, when Koreans decide something important in their lives, they mostly consult with the elder people near them. Also, in New Year's Day of Korea, most Koreans having visited their parents or other elder relatives make a special bow to them and ask them some deep wisdoms of life. In contrast, the younger should respect the elder's decisions and try to reply the kindness or teachings of the elder. Especially, this can be shown well in the social custom that a son or daughter should take care of their parent as they get older.
It has been thought of as the main reason of these kinds of tradition that Korea had been a complete agrarian community for a long time in the past. However, Korea has changed. There is no need, or rather it's impossible for Korean people to live all along with their family. For the reason, the tradition of attitudes toward other ages, which has been inherited in the relationship with family members, has been weakened slowly.
It is very interesting story. So many of these have been disappeared but still give the sit to the more preferable person left. Your writing is very well, but I just wonder how about cut back your subject, because there are so many things you can talk about the being good to elderly
ReplyDeleteI think your main topic of this essay is about Korean tradition to provide their seats to the old. And I was impressed about the hook in the introduction part; making people think feeling of foriegners when meet this situation.
ReplyDeleteI can understand well because of lots of examples that you use in your essay. It makes your essay more strong and supportive.
Though your essay is great, I cannot understand the first line of second paragragh. If you add some explanation, I think it is clearer and more understandabel. Also, at the first paragragh, some tenses are confused. I think changing 'have taken' into 'have to take' is better.
Second draft
ReplyDeleteImagine you are at first visit in Korea. You took the subway to go to the place you’re planning to stay while in Korea. In subway, you see a person sitting at the seat in front of you suddenly stands up. Because you are so tired and with lots of stuffs in hands, you feel to take the seat. At the very point, however, the person says to an old woman who stands a little bit far from the seat: Please take this seat. What do you think you are going to feel like? Isn’t it weird that the former appoints the next person who’s going to sit in there? Well, this is the moment when one of the most unique traditions of Korea appears. In Korea, there are a lot of duties for people in their attitude toward other ages.
The duties in treating other ages can be divided into two parts by whom they are done - the elder’s and the younger’s. As for the elder, the old people should be the one with responsibility and wisdom. For example, when Koreans decide something important in their lives, they mostly consult with the elder people near them. Also, in New Year’s Day of Korea, most Koreans visit their parents or other elder relatives, make a special bow to them, and ask them some deep wisdoms of life. In contrast, the younger should respect the elder’s decisions and try to reply the kindness or teachings of the elder. Especially, this can be shown well in the social custom that a son or daughter should take care of their parent as they get older. This custom comes from the thoughts that one cannot be born and grown as an adult without his or her parent.
It has been thought of as the main reason of these kinds of tradition that Korea had been a complete agrarian community for a long time in the past. However, Korean culture has gradually changed. There is no need, or rather it’s impossible for Korean people to live all along with their family. For the reason, the tradition of attitudes toward other ages, which has been inherited in the relationship with family members, has been weakened slowly.
Second draft
ReplyDeleteImagine you are at first visit in Korea. You took the subway to go to the place you’re planning to stay while in Korea. In subway, you see a person sitting at the seat in front of you suddenly stands up. Because you are so tired and with lots of stuffs in hands, you feel to take the seat. At the very point, however, the person says to an old woman who stands a little bit far from the seat: Please take this seat. What do you think you are going to feel like? Isn’t it weird that the former appoints the next person who’s going to sit in there? Well, this is the moment when one of the most unique traditions of Korea appears. In Korea, there are a lot of duties for people in their attitude toward other ages.
The duties in treating other ages can be divided into two parts by whom they are done - the elder’s and the younger’s. As for the elder, the old people should be the one with responsibility and wisdom. For example, when Koreans decide something important in their lives, they mostly consult with the elder people near them. Also, in New Year’s Day of Korea, most Koreans visit their parents or other elder relatives, make a special bow to them, and ask them some deep wisdoms of life. In contrast, the younger should respect the elder’s decisions and try to reply the kindness or teachings of the elder. Especially, this can be shown well in the social custom that a son or daughter should take care of their parent as they get older. This custom comes from the thoughts that one cannot be born and grown as an adult without his or her parent.
It has been thought of as the main reason of these kinds of tradition that Korea had been a complete agrarian community for a long time in the past. However, Korean culture has gradually changed. There is no need, or rather it’s impossible for Korean people to live all along with their family. For the reason, the tradition of attitudes toward other ages, which has been inherited in the relationship with family members, has been weakened slowly.