201002971 Jang Ji Yun
Koreans can earn quite much money once a year just by 'saebae'. It's a New Year's Day. In Korea, people celebrate the New Year's Day. Usually, on New Year's Day, all family members gather, eat lot of delicious food, watch TV, play traditional games and celebrate the New Year's Day together.
For me, New Year's Day is very important. Because of the special holiday, all family members gather. So I can see my cousins, uncles, aunts who are hard to see. I can spend time with the people I love. Every year, I make precious memories with my family. Also, one more thing that makes me to wait for the day is the 'Saebae' money which I can get when I saebae to my uncles, aunts, grandparents, parents. Saebae is a deep bow that young people do to older people. It is quite much, so it feels very good when I get money from saebae.
Now, I'm waiting for the next New Year's Day. I want to visit my grandparents and meet my family members and spend time with them.
To JiYun - From HyeRi
ReplyDeleteHi^,^
What I like about this piece of writing is that you described the reason why you like New Year's Day in detail. I'm too old to get the money from my relatives just by doing Saebae, so I think your topic is interesting.
I think your main point is that you really like New Year's Day, and you are looking forward to it.
The sentence "I can spend time with the people I love" struck me because I could see how much you love your family and relatives. Good to see that ^,^
"All family members gather" was a little bit unclear to me. Maybe you can improve this sentence like "all of the family members get together."
I think the one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is that you can add some more details about traditional things what we do and what we eat on New Year's Day.
Thanks ^,^
In my knows area you already discride why you like New Year's day. And you introduction in first paragraph about how celebrate new year's day in korea.
ReplyDeletebut i dont understand in second paragraph about"I can spend time with the people I love" sentence, i am confuse about in new year's day you want show to your family how much do you love them or the other things....i think you need to more explane clearly about that. thanks.
-by honghua cui