201002971
Jang Jiyun
Writing
Fri 1,2
In Korea, almost every high school seniors must go through the hard time due to the scholastic ability test which Korean students should take to enter the university, Su-neung. Because of just one big test, quite big part of Korean student's life is made up. So, the senior year in the high school is very important for Korean students. The school, family and teachers should make the best condition for student who is going through the senior year so that they can concentrate just on studying. In these circumstances, the home room teacher is quite important.
When I was a senior in high school, just a year ago, my home room teacher was a man with gray hair although he isn't that old. His name is Tae-woo, Sin. He was very gentle, nice and kind to us all the time. He always really cared about us. We should stay at school until 11 at night when we were senior. We were quite tired, of course, to study until late at night. But I think he should have been tired as well because he also had a lot of work to do, a lot of students to care, a lot of things to teach. The most important thing is that he should have stayed at school until 11 with us, too! Nevertheless, He didn't lose the kind smile. Sometimes he called us and gave something to eat, some useful ideas to study, or the words really cheer us.
I am one of the students who did quite better on Su-neung compared to usual. I think he did a quite big rule for that. He always encouraged me. I was quite confident and not that nervous on D-day due to his encouragement. Thanks to him, I could come to this university. I miss him. I really appreciate for his kind, careful, and cheerful words that he gave me. I appreciate the confidence he gave to me that would be with me for the rest of my life.
Su-neung is very important as I experienced too and I can know it well that you choose him as a best teacher in your life. I envy you that if I met good teacher as you did, I can do better. But in my opinion, how about met him again? It will be very great time. Also I just think how about writting more detailed experience about your last year? It will be more great.
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this piece of writing is that it has lots of examples which make the writing more specific.
ReplyDeleteYour main point seems to be your home room teacher of your last year in high school.
These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
* The introduction
-> I think it explains the importance of the home room teacher in the last year in high school very well.
* Sometimes he called us and gave something to eat, some useful ideas to study, or the words really cheer us.
-> I like this sentence because it is specific and I can easily know how he was nice and kind to the students by this.
Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
* The conclusion
-> It feels like that you lost your point in your conclusion... There are lots of new ideas and I think you can move them to body.
The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is that to write more about your experience with the teacher.