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200601825 Hyeseu Ahn Two people comparison There is a saying "Birds of a feather flock together". Bur for me sometimes it seems to be wrong. I have some best friends and Ho-seung and John are two of my best friends. They are very similar but sometimes they seem to be different each other. As two of my best friends, they seem to very similar. First, they do their best in their areas. Ho-seung is a baduk player. He always studies baduk hard and he wins a lot of competitions and tournaments. He is very professional. John is a university student. He has gotten high grades and scholrship. He always studies hard. Second, they are masculine. The way they act and talk is extremely tough. And also they like sports both playing and watching. Thus they are similar, but they are sometimes different. First, Ho-seung likes to brag. Whenever he wins the competitions he brags himeself and what he has done. On the other hand, John is very humble. He never brag himself and what he has done. Instead, he just says that it's lucky. Second, unlike john, Ho-seung knows many people. Ho-seung is a so called wide foot. He knows a lot of people and has a good relationship with his acquaintance. On the other hand, John doesn't know many people. He only knows few people. Thus Ho-seung and John are similar but sometimes they seem to be different. Regardless how they are different, both are my true friends and they are true friends each other. They are complementary. |
Thursday, November 25, 2010
200601825 Hyesu Ahn comparison essay
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Peer Feedback Sheet (from Jeon Yejin)
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that the writing has clear topic and maintains it across the writing.
2. Your main point seems to be two friends of yours who has some similarities and differences with each other.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
*Regardless how they are different, both are my true friends and they are true friends each other. They are complementary.
-> I think the expression, complementary, you used for explaining the friendship between your friends is supporting the whole parts of this essay.
* You concentrate only two difference and similaries respectively between two friends of yours. I think this make sure the readers to concentrate on the writing more.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved:
*They are very similar but sometimes they seem to be different each other.
-> I think ‘from’ should be added between ‘different’ and ‘each other’.
*And also they like sports both playing and watching.
-> To switch the places(?) of ‘sports’ and ‘both playing and watching’ would be better to read.
*he brags himeself and what he has done.
-> ‘brag’ seems to be normally used as the form of ‘brag about’.
*Thus Ho-seung and John are similar but sometimes they seem to be different.
-> I think this sentence is so similar to the first sentence of the second paragraph. If you use another form of sentence, it would seem more interesting.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is the connection between introduction and background information. You used the saying “Birds of a feather flock together” as emphasizing sometimes it’s wrong. However, after saying that you suddenly started explaining your friends. Thus, I think you need to add more explanation about how this saying is related to your topics.