201002971
Jang Jiyun
Writing Fri 1,2
On November, The temples in Korea are crowed with people who came to wish good luck. What they wish for is the best result of Su-neung. Su-neung is the college entrance exam in Korea that almost every Korean student should take to enter the university or college. I think that Su-neung exam is not so good way to estimate the student's condition for entering the college.
Su-neung exam takes place only once a year. Korean students should be estimated their ability to take the course in the university by just one exam. They should show everything they can do on just one day. Although they make mistake, the situation is already over. So if they make mistake, they should study one more year and take the exam again. If they can't do well on that exam again, they should do that again. According to megastudy, the biggest company regarding entrance examination in Korea, the rate that people who enter the college by taking exam more than once comprise of all freshmen is more than 50 percent. All of them are the students who made mistake on exam and studied hard for more than a year again. That shows the cruel reality in Korea. And also, In Korea, the strange things sometimes happens after the Su-neung exam. Some students who become too depressed about the result commit suicide. It became quite important matter in Korea society. Some people insist that the Su-neung exam is very good way to measure the student's ability, but I don't think so. Many attempts to skim competent students in other ways these days show that the su-neung exam is not the best way.
It is so harsh for the students who try very hard to be judge by just a single exam. We should find the other rational ways to choose talented students to prevent the sad Korean ending.
What I like about this piece of writing is the topic because you chose the topic that everyone can agree with.
ReplyDeleteYour main point seems to be some bad effects and problems of the suneung exam.
The sentence "although they make mistake, the situation is already over." struck me because I have thought that this is the biggest problem of the suneung examination, too.
Everything was clear to me, so I think your writing is really easy to follow.
The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is the conclusion paragraph. I think you can improve your last sentence as an concluding sentence that insists and ends your essay.
Thanks ^,^
what I like about this piece of writing is your hook. The crowded temple is the real Korean thing! Your hook made me imagine people who go wish for their children's luck.
ReplyDeleteYour main point seems to be reasons that the suneung exam is inappropriate for measuring students' ability.
The sentence "And also, In Korea, the strange things sometimes happens after the Su-neung exam" struck me as powerful because I always think it is a really weird and serious phenomenon in Korea that some students commit suicide.
You used several words of which meaning is little vague such as the situation, everything, things. You can make them more specific.