|
TV and Children Whenever I recall my childhood, what is on my mind are playground, mountain, and friends. However thesedays many children don't seem to agree with it. In the US, children watch TV two to three hours a day. For me, it is shocking because wathing TV is not good for children. First, TV has a bad effect on children's health. Childhood is important moment for children's health. They should exercise ouside. They should run, jump and play on playground so that their body grows correctly. However watching TV takes away their time to exercise. Instead of exercising, they spend a lot of time to watch TV. It could lead to childhood obesity and childhood obesity causes many diseases. Second, TV has a bad effect on children's school performance. Children who is watching TV too much don't have enough time to do their homework, to review what they learned and to read books. Compared to other children who do not watch TV, the performance of children who watch TV too much is definitely low. Lastly, TV has a bad effect on their thinking. An average American child will see 200,000 violent acts and 16,000 murders on TV by age 18. And two thirds of TV programes contain violence. Also children can be exposed to some adult movies or adult shows. All kind of these programes affect children badly. Because childhood is important moment to establish values, children who are exposed these kind of programes can grow incorrectly. Some people point out that TV could help children learn something or entertain children. However it's ridiculous because TV has absoultely a bad effect on children and above all children can learn from books or enjoy their life without TV. In order to grow correctly, children should avoid watching TV too much. |
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
200601825 Hyesu Ahn First draft
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
by 200901051
ReplyDelete1. Your essay is about television is bad for children.
2. Your writing has enough support to support your opinion. I especially liked the last support in your second paragraph. There you show numbers which might give a bigger impact on the reader about your opinion essay.
3. I did notice you used quite a lot the word TV. You might want to try to use it less.
Also, in your refutation, you write: However it's ridiculous. You might want to change ridiculous, because basically you're calling the people who think that television is educational ridiculous. They might feel offended when reading your text.
Your essay has three paragraphs and the introduction of your essay includes a hook to get reader's attentrion along with background infromation because it would make readers imagine a scenery of something relaxing such as mountain or playground. Also I think your opinion about the negative effects of TV on children clearly stated in the thesis sentence.
ReplyDeleteYour essay's body paragraph contains facts and reasons that support the opinion, but I would like to ask you how about giving more explainations about each reasons why TV affects negatively on children.
I have a different idea from you and would like to know about how you would think about my writing about TV and its effects on children's education.