201002971
Jang Ji yun
Writing Fri 1,2
Galaxy a, s, u, Vega, Optimus … These are the names of the smart phone. Smart phone is the most incredible invention in my lifetime so far. First of all, the clear definition of smart phone is a mobile telephone with computer features that may enable it to interact with computerized systems, send e-mails, and access the web. The iPhone of Apple was like a beginning of the smart phone. Still it has a powerful impact on the whole smart phone market.
Smart phone is becoming more and more popular because it offers a variety of conveniences we can use. We can download any application that we want, and use that just at that time. These days, there are so many applications we can use and so many people who use smart phone. I experienced some of those, and I thought that the applications like weather forecast or twitter were very convenient. The smart phone makes our life prosperous, but it also has a problem. The low quality battery, problem with touching is such a problem.
When we choose whether iPhone or Galaxy s, I think we should be careful to choose the model and functions. I don't have one yet but I want to have. I will search for thoese later.
From HyeRi
ReplyDelete1. Your essay have three paragraphs.
2. Your introduction includes a hook to get the reader's attention, but I think you can improve it more effective. Your hook is written along with background information.
3. Your opinion about the issue is clearly stated in the thesis statement, at the end of the introduction paragraph.
4. Your body paragraph clearly contains facts and reasons that support the opinion.
5. I agree with the words that the smart phones make our life prosperous. Because we can use many convenient services and applications through it.
6. You have to write about "Refutation" that your response to the counter-argument. You mentioned about the problems that smart phones have, and that is the counter-argument.
1. The essay has three paragraphs.
ReplyDelete2. The introductin includes a hook. I think the material for hook is good, but I hope that you can change it little bit. For example, you can quote what smart phone users said in an interview with media.
3. I think your opinion about the issue is pretty vague. I am not sure you are supportive of smart phone or not. The word 'impact' could be both positive and negative, I think...
4. The body paragraph contain facts and reasons that support the opinion. There is an advantage of smart phone - useful applications.
5. I agree that weather forecast or twitter were very convenient. We can check any information on the internet by using smart phone.
Wifi service is the most incredible service.
6. Please add more advantages of the smart phone. Also, explain how exactly the smart phone makes our life prosperous and why we should be careful to choose the model and functions.